Dream Cathers BlogTalk Show
Becoming A Survior
I normally do not post shows I am on nor listen - today is very different. It was for male survivors. Boe, has a dynamic story and a special caller I know, as does many who know me, called in and spoke out for the first time. The program is two hours and posted at the end of this post.
At first he was not sure if he wanted to use his first name or not so he used "Nick". I oopsied once, but he did not mind at all.
As I was in my office - a bit nervous because he had not spoke out before aside from me and telling a little at a time until April 2011 when I just came out of ICU, a few people who never believe a word he has to say or email when he vented will be very surprised.
He was across the street in a serene area. His story begins around 19 minutes into the show and at first he was a bit shaky so I had to ask him to explain his childhood and how he felt. From there he spoke out and did a damn good job for the first time ever...making him a true THRIVER. I encourage you to listen to the full show. Everone on who shared a story is probably someone you know in your life because 1-2 children are abused in some way. Abuse is abuse. Not just sexual.
What he wanted to say something as he lost connection and I had spoke about it until he was back on. And there is a females perspective of having those we love in our life I spoke about, as did Boe on a males perspective. I will be posting two links later. Boe and Toms. I very much enjoyed Tom. We both are on the same level of thriving and forgiveness.
Some survivors really want to have their family with them and not have them feel as if the "victims as a child" was let down because they did not see what was going on in the house. Many feel ashamed or think all we feel is anger and cannot let go of the past. Once healed. Truly healed, that subject only becomes a subject with other survivors. Not our immediate family nor friends unless it becomes a conversation by others. Who wants to talk about abuse when you are having Thanksgiving? Not me!
We don't live every minute speaking of abuse. Anyone on my private FB knows me as me. Not the advocate.
Even though we do not wish to be around those who still abuse, the family members who were unaware of it should not feel as if they let us down. Boe on the other hand, as a male - has not had contact with his family in 30 years and is just fine with it. In fact, he prefers it. Markus feels the same way. Male verses female is polar opposites, yet we still have so much in common.
Normally I do not go into details as I had on this show. I have a DocuDrama coming out Leaving The Lion Behind (you can googl it) so I did not want to let out too much and I have my second book Unbridled coming out that does include a bit of what I do say that has was not in my first book. Unbridles is much like Inborn Justice. You may want to throw it, as a reader said during one chapter, but all have said they could not put it down.
Because of "Nick" who has no problem using his real name now. It is Markus. He has made a deep connection with Boe even though their abuse was very different as was their life; abuse is abuse and the life challenges is like an evolving door. How we deal with things does effect who we are as I explain on this show. It is a proven scientific fact that our brain are quite different from those who were not abused. Depending on the severity.
For those who are victims, once, twice it does not matter. Our innocence no matter what the abuse is or how long it is; triggers us at different ages and once we come to the point of rationalism and acceptance; an enormous wave or tidal wive that has submerged us goes back out to sea. Where it belongs. That does not mean we still do not have our moments of pain. It just means we are aware that when we feel a bit anxious or uncomfortable around specific people or places it is because of a time in the past that was traumatizing. Easily dealt with by excusing yourself while being polite.
The Devil is in the orchard everywhere. It is up to us survivors, thrives or in recovery to make that step out and not return to that familiar place we once lived in. I will nor will Markus ever feel comfortable with loud mouth people who point fingers and call you a liar, stupid, not doing something right or someone that continue's to reflect back on the past that has already been dealt with. Those who continually drag us down are simply not a part of our life. And, we do not care. We see them as drug addicts who will eventually die of an overdose no matter what we do or say. There is a time when one must walk away from the Devil.
Case and point; If you are always called a liar as a child over and over. Making it up for attention, at some point in life you may think you are a survivor. Not in one year, two or three. Their comes a crashing wave thats going to hit. It splits as Noah's did - only survivors, thrivers, whatever you rather use, have two roads. One road. You recognize you are just like your abuser and you continue to be the perpetrator and call others a liar or mock people for accomplishing things in life. The other road is life. The tree of life. Exepting not everyone has the freedom to be there for you every second or being able to live on your own. Making your own choices by accepting the love or rejecting it - by creating your own minds drama while the other person is wondering "what did I just do?" How did we go from wrapping presents 4 hours ago to 2 a.m. text of bitch session about something that took place 4 years ago? "Wow, I ran out of gas and got stuck on a road four year ago and your still holding that anger?" VICTIM not SURVIVOR. How did the mind just split in two when 4 hours ago we were laughing?
Let's face it. No mater the age, a perpetrator perpetrates any age. Be it a child, a teen, a college student an adult. Family member or even your own child. Until they recognize that they are taking that path and seek help or work through what is causing them to be a perpetrator as my STALKER - there will never be a chance for a true long lasting relationship with anyone because you find yourself being with someone who is just like an abuser and survivor do not want perpetrators near them.
An non recovering woman will find a man who is on drugs, lazy, unstable and of no value at all and stay because of the kids. A man will stay, be quiet, submissive, hold in their emotions and normally merry someone just as their abuser because of the comfort zone. Woman do as well.
What point do we stop being the victim and start becoming the survivor?
When you realize we, you, I - do not need that environment and do not want to be associated with drama, bullies, people who walk over you or of no value. They may laugh at times, let you do what you want without giving an opinion, but opinions to the victim is not conversation. To them it is being scolded. A battle. Example; "I think the baby may have hazel eyes." "NO! The doctor said 100% they will be blue!" In a stern voice. Step back..You do not need that person anywhere near you until what they are dealing with is resolved. You are their dart board. Time for therapy!
When you realize we, you, I - do not need that environment and do not want to be associated with drama, bullies, people who walk over you or of no value. They may laugh at times, let you do what you want without giving an opinion, but opinions to the victim is not conversation. To them it is being scolded. A battle. Example; "I think the baby may have hazel eyes." "NO! The doctor said 100% they will be blue!" In a stern voice. Step back..You do not need that person anywhere near you until what they are dealing with is resolved. You are their dart board. Time for therapy!
The moral of this show means a lot to me because I know several people right now who are not of help to anyone yet say they are wanting to be helpful and pretend they can.
One, I just may add onto my stalkers friends list because at this point in time she is not realizing that many victims are out there suffering because of this stalker and as she states she knows her. Has her information and still contacts me; I finally put an end to it. It is obvious she is still a victim and at this point does not care about anyone who is in need of her help. If she says who she says she is.
Anyone who claims to be stalked and harassed yet suddenly emails and says she knows where she is and who her family is and does not give me any details makes me think....Is she a victim or is she just prying for information because she is still working with the STALKER because they constantly go back and forth "as friends." Even though stalker claims she is a "troll" and tells everyone she is. I get an email from her maybe twice a year. Always about harassment.
One, I just may add onto my stalkers friends list because at this point in time she is not realizing that many victims are out there suffering because of this stalker and as she states she knows her. Has her information and still contacts me; I finally put an end to it. It is obvious she is still a victim and at this point does not care about anyone who is in need of her help. If she says who she says she is.
Anyone who claims to be stalked and harassed yet suddenly emails and says she knows where she is and who her family is and does not give me any details makes me think....Is she a victim or is she just prying for information because she is still working with the STALKER because they constantly go back and forth "as friends." Even though stalker claims she is a "troll" and tells everyone she is. I get an email from her maybe twice a year. Always about harassment.
When Rev. Grund begins to associate her as if she and I are some kind of team out of the blue, I know the STALKER and him are still associated and the STALKER is still calling her partner or ex a troll to everyone.
False on friends or team. I do not need anyone such as this in my life.
This person contacts me only. I reply and she only shows up when the stalking begins again. So this tells me 1. she is a friend. 2. she may be a victim still in a victim stage. 3. She could be the STALKER.
This person contacts me only. I reply and she only shows up when the stalking begins again. So this tells me 1. she is a friend. 2. she may be a victim still in a victim stage. 3. She could be the STALKER.
This also applies to someone else. Who clearly had became the person whom abused her verbally during a time when she needed her family the most as a child. Being called a liar when she was abused.
Sadly, on the outside she appears like my mother did. Perfect. Inside it is a tornado and nothing ever goes right and everyone who loves her the most and wants to give her all they have. Inside and out. But they are attacked. The ones whom are closest to her when she feels confrontation. When it is just a question. Clearly still a victim.
Allowing this "changed person" a chance to be in my life was the wrong thing to do. I even told my little one, Leah, I was scared. "I bet she needs something." This makes no sense and as much as she says she wants time, I've seen her 5 times in 6 months. 3 we shopped with my credit card. Not that I think she understands what she was doing, but something triggered her to drop out of the sky and fabricate a list of what she thought I needed to hear instead of giving me what I really wanted which was just time. Fun. Our relation back. She reacted on impulse.
While she had no support from her counter part equal allowing anyone into his life that has an opinion. Not a demand. We all chit chat. However we all have lines as well.
I am not going to sit in my neighbors house all day when I am allergic to her cats. All 8 of them! That's my right. But I am not going to be mean to her for having 8 cats and she is welcome here anytime. And, I am not going to bitch she was able to get a new car, washer, dryer and go on a vacation. Go girl! I'm saving for that as well. This is all about victims. Because victims react to petty things. As the above had.
Allowing this "changed person" a chance to be in my life was the wrong thing to do. I even told my little one, Leah, I was scared. "I bet she needs something." This makes no sense and as much as she says she wants time, I've seen her 5 times in 6 months. 3 we shopped with my credit card. Not that I think she understands what she was doing, but something triggered her to drop out of the sky and fabricate a list of what she thought I needed to hear instead of giving me what I really wanted which was just time. Fun. Our relation back. She reacted on impulse.
While she had no support from her counter part equal allowing anyone into his life that has an opinion. Not a demand. We all chit chat. However we all have lines as well.
I am not going to sit in my neighbors house all day when I am allergic to her cats. All 8 of them! That's my right. But I am not going to be mean to her for having 8 cats and she is welcome here anytime. And, I am not going to bitch she was able to get a new car, washer, dryer and go on a vacation. Go girl! I'm saving for that as well. This is all about victims. Because victims react to petty things. As the above had.
It did not start until 4 years ago, but clearly her path is on the wrong side of the road. Hiding friends from others and acting out or denying and lying while pointing fingers at others is just as much as the perpetrator she had as a child.
She can do her nails. As my mother did. Put on her makeup. As my mother did. Wear nice clothes. As my mothere did. Look like the 2.5 family and appear to others she is perfect. However, she is not. My mother died because of hiding.
Instead of being open and honest she is living in a closet of lie's upon lie's upon lie's. I was a secret. A huge secret. So much of a secret, I did not know I was a secret until someone thought or asked about me. Then said, "I did not know you two were friends?"
The ones that were the abuser, are the abuser or is controlling her. Or, she is now a perpetrator not in recovery. As my mother was.
My husband can see or be with anyone he wants to be with. As can I. He cannot drive, so come pick him up. He has his own mind and own choices in life.
She can do her nails. As my mother did. Put on her makeup. As my mother did. Wear nice clothes. As my mothere did. Look like the 2.5 family and appear to others she is perfect. However, she is not. My mother died because of hiding.
Instead of being open and honest she is living in a closet of lie's upon lie's upon lie's. I was a secret. A huge secret. So much of a secret, I did not know I was a secret until someone thought or asked about me. Then said, "I did not know you two were friends?"
The ones that were the abuser, are the abuser or is controlling her. Or, she is now a perpetrator not in recovery. As my mother was.
My husband can see or be with anyone he wants to be with. As can I. He cannot drive, so come pick him up. He has his own mind and own choices in life.
So back to this friend in the Devils Orchard. Still living in the world of a victim. Traumatized as children and taking the same path of traumatizing those who love her more than anything on the planet if she would just go into recovery and walk away from the same pattern.
Healing and admitting one needs help can be the most challenging thing in ones life. For those who love them; it is the most rewarding thing in life. Just as an alcoholic. We want or loved ones in recovery and if it's real love, we support them more.
Just because someone has changed from Bud to bud light and still drink 2 12 packs a day, does that make that person any-less of an alcoholic. And, why is someone praising the fact of weight loss instead of sobriety? The drinking, the smell, the sweat, the confined environment is all apart of not recognizing not only have they not changed but now you will not recognize when someone close to you, that once had it together, is in need of help. They feed off each other. Therefore the victim returns to the abuser for praise and that is a hard pattern to break. Forgetting about the abuse is not the way we heal. Recovery, seeing the abuser recover and forgiveness is how we heal. Each step. One by one. Now both are healed and a new light appears. One of understanding and conversing. Instead of negativity and lighting striking you as you lay on the beach laughing in Palm Springs.
So this episode I am posting is for everyone because there is a Devil In Every Orchard. I do not care if you are a Doctor. A Pastor. A. Congressman or policeman. Rich, poor, black, yellow, white. Abuse knows no bounds. It is worse than cancer because it's not only genetic it is and can be passed down to every single person the abuser is with until they reach a point when they stop holding their breath and reach up and grab the hand that loves them for help and recovery. It's a cycle and I already see the verbal abuse and more coming. Having your children lie for you is not appropriate. Lying in front of your child is worse.
How many people follow me on this and how many have had to deal with a revolving door relationship before you finally say enough is enough? When you can give me as much as I give you, come back. Work on yourself. I will be open arms when you start surviving. Because every step you are making is going down hill. The beach is a long ways away from the desert!
Drastic change as I end that subject.
As I stated on the show. Inborn Justice: A Daughter's Courage, a Mother's Heart will be donating half of proceeds 2 more months to Dream Catchers and the other half to ChilLures. I encourage all to purchase it from Dream Catcher link below before my send book is complete or email me. It is graphic, it is not for a young child but it is of two stories. Myself and my daughter who had a national headline case with Attorney Gloria Allred.
Once it goes into second printing I will not have a say in the donations. And, those who purchase at other sites are either A. Stolen from the publisher (two boxes) or B. Not benefiting any organization. I have never made a penny off the first edition because I wanted to help the charities and others who were in need of money, such as families of an abducted child and in need of funds and organizations.
A large loss was taken when Borders and Books was suppose to send the checks to ChildLures. They made a lot of money because no money was sent to anyone. Since then it has been removed from all sites and stores.
Once it goes into second printing I will not have a say in the donations. And, those who purchase at other sites are either A. Stolen from the publisher (two boxes) or B. Not benefiting any organization. I have never made a penny off the first edition because I wanted to help the charities and others who were in need of money, such as families of an abducted child and in need of funds and organizations.
A large loss was taken when Borders and Books was suppose to send the checks to ChildLures. They made a lot of money because no money was sent to anyone. Since then it has been removed from all sites and stores.
It is a 5 Star book and a top seller at all charity functions, workshops, so on and so forth and only a limited left.
I am now at a point in life were advocating (pro-bono) is cases per case. However abduction cases for book signings and spoke person is still pro-bono aside from flight if I am limited on funds. I now must utilize my skills of writing non-fiction as a career to continue my journey to help pass more bills and locate a separate building to do our work. We have run out of space.
Anyone who has any office space in Clearlake Oaks, Nice, Glenhaven or Lucerne; please contact me at our new work number 415-747-1984.
Anyone who has any office space in Clearlake Oaks, Nice, Glenhaven or Lucerne; please contact me at our new work number 415-747-1984.
Any donation for 288a Reform is welcome as we begin our PAC. It is not deductible until we have the funds to complete our PAC that is intricate. However, we are learning as we go.
Enjoy the show.
Wayanne
wayannekruger@gmail.com P.O. Box 1084 Clearlake Oaks, CA. 95423.
